I Came, I Saw, I Absolutely Dominated Shit

No, this isn't an think piece about the notorious sex tourism industry that is rampant in Southeast Asia (although that article is in the works and I assure you I will due the necessary research to make it as informative as possible),* the physical pleasures that it likely provides, or the probability that you can purchase multiple women to perform said acts for roughly the cost of a Pinkberry. I am talking about basketball.

In the States I am completely awful at it and in turn hate it because I despise anything I'm not immediately awesome at. Here, I love the fuck out of the game. Not every day do you see a 6'1'' center dominate the court and all it's constituents so masterfully. Quick side note, p90x might be tough, but try doing wind sprints in 90 degree weather with 4004% humidity for an hour.

Ramuel and I played with some locals, 5v5, at a court near the house in Cabayo where we are staying. With a collective height of 10feet 3 inches, our team beat the opposition with a final count of hsgajfnb to lakbelal. I actually don't know the final score because I don't speak Tagalog, but I'm pretty sure we won because the other side gave my teammates their lost wages (about 30 cents a head) and then they sacrificed their weakest player to the basketball gods with a slow and pain filled public stoning. Apparently they take losing very seriously. Just kidding, they didn't stone him to death. They used an AK47. Everyone knows it is more modern, efficient, and let's everyone in a 2 mile radius know you don't accept poor performance.

My teammates are probably using their winnings to build local pro-bono hospitals for orphaned burn victims, and since I was pretty much the key to the victory that yielded that money, I also must have helped the locals. I now know how Wesley Snippes must have felt when he donated all his money to the US government tax devision and then selflessly volunteered to inspect the state penitentiary for 3-5 years.

Sadly, I am going to retire my own jersey here simply so I can say I went undefeated at b-ball in the Philippines. Ceremony details, time, and location to shortly follow. Tell your friends.

Had me!? Had me!? HAH! You never even had your car.

*Legal disclaimer: I have not and will not, nor was the purpose of my trip, to engage in the unlawful participation or furtherance in any form, of what is commonly referred to as "sex tourism."